Have regard for your name, since it will remain for you longer than a great store of gold.

I have a unique name.  I also am not internet or real life famous.  So, finding information on Google on people with my name is pretty cool.

Cases in point:
- The white pages knows my name, my address, my parent's names, my sister's name, my age, and that I am the only person in the United States currently alive with that name.  Awesome and scary at the same time!  I suppose it doesn't help that I broadcast my name on my blog, but whatever.  Facebook has eradicated the possibility of anonymity on the internet long before I gave myself away.
- Lula Mae Hixon Cross' grave.
- I found myself on a website I've never heard of that basically gives a biography of someone including their online aliases.  They capture things from your profiles (in my case, it's info from my old Myspace profile) and partial addresses you've lived at.  Man, the internet is getting to be a bit much.  I'm actually pretty appalled at how much information they're giving out.  Thankfully, this profile has only has 4 views.  I feel bad for people who would draw more interest.  At least it's an old address.
- Also strange, pictures of other people whose G+ posts I have commented on come up under my name.  As do our names together with pictures of maps?  This is really bizarre.
- Lorena Mae Hixon's biography.  Lorena and I have the SAME BIRTHDAY.  Seriously?  Same name and same birthday?!  Except, she was born in 1918.

I tried this with Tyler, but he has virtually no internet presence.  Other people with his name, however, definitely do.  As there's even a domain with his full name.  I have no idea what the website is supposed to be promoting.  I did find an old modeling picture of Tyler, though.  That was cute.

Weird shit.  Try Googling yourself.  Tell me what you find!


Also, my neighbors are very drunk and very loud right now, as are their friends.  Annoying.

The perversity of the human spirit is such that when a young lady longs for one specific partner, every other partner counts for nothing.

I dropped Tyler off at the airport this afternoon.  He's in California attending his grandfather's funeral this weekend.  I miss him.  I was feeling really queasy after dropping him off (seriously, wtf is wrong with my stomach?), so instead of running any of the errands I planned to attend to, I went home and napped with the puppies.  Which was nice, but I miss him.  I'm a total wuss, I know.  We haven't spent a night apart for almost a year, so it's a little hard to get used to.  What can I say?  I like having him around.  I'm lonely, and because I wasn't feeling well, I missed any opportunity to meet up with friends.  Oh well, at least I have the pups and the internet.  Although, I can't say I've made a whole lot of use out of my internet time.

So far, I've organized my bookmarks, created a Linkin profile, wandered around Facebook, and caught up on journals.  Speaking of journals, I used to feel really bad that I am terrible at regularly updating this one.  Then I went and checked all of the journals I follow.  Only TWO of the journals I follow have been updated since I last checked them (and some of them I haven't checked in months).  Shame on you!

Here are the two that actually updated:
http://parasitehilton.tumblr.com/ - a friend's blog/tublr
http://pawcurious.com/ - I'm a nerd for spending my free time reading a veterinarian's blog, I know.  But she's fun, and I kind of want her life, but with my people.  So, I guess you could say she's kind of my idol, in a non religious way.  Duh, she's a veterinarian who also gets paid to blog.


I want this decor.  I wish we still styled ourselves and our homes like this:



I also wish instead of a mid-century home, I was able to afford a victorian home in a decent area.   You see, I made the mistake of falling in love with a home before talking to a realtor about it when we first began house shopping.  I fell in love with a gigantic, dilapidated victorian home that was very, very cheap.  It needed a whole new kitchen, and a lot of exterior work, but I didn't care.  The possibilities that ran through my head of the final product of this home were so enticing.  However, the possibility of this particular home being turned into a town house and rented out for profit was even more enticing for other buyers with cash offers.  We weren't able to act fast enough, and you learn.  I still dream about that house.  One day...


I'm feeling so morose.

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.

I know.  It's been a while.  My sincerest apologies, readers.  I haven't had a lot of free time, and when I have, I haven't had convenient access to a computer.

I just got back from California.  I had a great time hanging out with Tyler's family.  They really are amazing.  We didn't waste a moment of time while we were there.  Aside from hanging out with family, we spent some time in LA.  I got to catch up with some old friends, and narrowly missed catching up with others.  (Time really is too short.)  Ate amazing food, hung out at the beach, went to Disneyland.  I really love it in California.  If it meshed with our future plans, we'd probably live there right now.  However, we have a house to buy, and things to do out here in Minneapolis.  Regardless of the weather, unfortunately.  If I was rich, I'd move to San Francisco (did you know the cost of living in San Francisco is similar, if not more than living in NYC?).  Otherwise, I think I'd choose San Diego, since it seems like the beachy version of Minneapolis.

There's been a hiccup in the transferring of Panda, so we are still in limbo with her.  I'm not sure if prolonging the process is making it easier or harder to let her go.  I don't want to discuss this in much detail as I'm feeling a little negatively about the subject.

Nico is about 99% potty trained now, which makes things quite a bit easier.  She is still deathly afraid of everything.  Her leash, people, the wind, the heater turning on, you name it.  She jumps at things that I am not even aware of.  But, she has opened up to me a little bit.  I've learned how to use mannerisms that make her feel less threatened, and that allow me to approach her 100% of the time.  She doesn't completely trust me, but it's obvious she wants to.  She gets really excited about my presence when we wake up, when I feed her, and after I take her outside.  Those are the times she seems most open to love and attention.  The rest of the time, she seems to want my affection, but is extremely weary.  She is severely afraid of every other person, and runs to me (well, more like behind me) to escape anyone else.  Poor Tyler.  He wants her to love him, too, but she's still frightened of him and looks to me to save her.  I have seen her leap ridiculous heights off of the bed or couch to flee him.  This one definitely isn't going to crack anytime soon.  But she's adorable, and easy to train, so her being fearful isn't going to stop us.  I must say, I've never seen fear like this before.  It is just completely crippling.  When I think about how she must feel all of the time based on her reactions, I'm amazed that she has even managed to accept me at all.  I wish it was easier for her to trust, and I hope one day, she is relieved of her anxiety and learns to be at ease.  Poor little sweetheart.

I am currently reading the second book in the Millennium series (The Girl Who Played With Fire).  Just about finished.  I haven't decided how I feel about it yet.  I don't want to mention too much, as to avoid any spoilers for any readers out there.  I would like to know,  have any of you read the series?  What are your thoughts?  Have you seen any of the movies?

Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.

I had to make an incredibly difficult decision today.  That decision was to no longer foster Panda.  I finally reached my breaking point with her severe inability to potty train today.  I might have been able to hold on a bit longer, but I realized we will be showing our apartment soon and can't afford to lose a tenant because Panda just won't housebreak after many months of trying.

I am used to coming home to messes, but today was exceptionally bad.  I could smell it outside of the apartment.  It was just too much.  I really don't mind cleaning up the messes, but when there is just no progress, it makes it more difficult to know this is what I have to deal with until she gets adopted.  And, I just had to finally realize that I have other responsibilities that also need attending to.  My priority right now is getting a home and out of this apartment as soon as possible.  Unfortunately, fostering a dog that isn't housebroken whatsoever isn't really conducive to that plan any longer.

She is probably the sweetest dog I have ever had the pleasure of being around, I am very much attached to her.  However, she needs a foster home where someone is home more often to help potty train her.  I would never in a million years give up the time I have had with her.  To be honest, if I was able to be home more often, and potty train her, I probably would have wanted to adopt her long ago.  But when the home isn't right, it shows.  Someone out there will give her a great home, and she will be such an amazing companion for them.  I am really going to miss her.  I'm giving my rescue group some time to find a new foster home for her, so I don't have to say goodbye just yet, but, it's going to be quite difficult when I do.

Tyler has been such a saint throughout all of this.  He likes dogs as much as the next person, but he doesn't have quite the same passion for them as I do.  He must have reached his breaking point long ago, but stuck with it for me.  He's a good guy.

Nico won't be back to a vet again until after Thanksgiving, so we've also got some time to think about what our decision will be in terms of adopting her.  We are really waiting on more medical information before anything else.  If we decide against adopting her, we will continue to foster her until she is adopted, then perhaps foster again after we have moved.

I hate making tough decisions.  It makes me feel so guilty.  I also hate saying goodbye.  But I guess it would have happened one way or another, eventually.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

I got Nico back from the her extended stay at the vet today.  She was supposed to be spayed, but she nearly flatlined on the table when put under anesthesia, so they had to pull her out immediately.  The vet told me they think she may have an enlarged heart/heart disease.  She said she thinks Nico's prognosis is probably not good, and she will probably end up dying in her sleep.  They couldn't test her for an enlarged heart because they don't have the equipment at that location.  I guess her heart rate is very slow, at about 70 beats/minute when at rest, when it should be around 120 beats.  I was afraid of something like this.  It's weird, because all of her blood tests came back just fine.  The diagnosis hasn't been made officially, but the vet sounded pretty sure.

I'm not really sure what the next step is.  The person in charge of our rescue group said we will try the spay again at an office that is a little bit more seasoned, but I don't know if she knew about the potential for Nico's heart disease.  So, I guess we'll see.

On top of this, I have been sick the last couple of days.  I had to really pull it together today to pick up Nico.

And what's even worse, is Tyler's grandfather is very ill.  We planned a trip out to California for one last visit to see him next week, but it doesn't sounds like he will make it that long.  Ugh.  Rough past few days.

Those that think it permissible to tell white lies soon grow color blind.

I've been watching a lot of horror movies lately.  I would watch them more often, but the selection is never broader than October.  I haven't seen any good ones lately, though.  Probably because I've really only watched ones that are on Netflix to watch instantly.  Anyone have any good suggestions?  I plan to see Paranormal Activity 3 tomorrow, but I'm not going to get my hopes up about that one.

Not much going on in the search for a home.  We put an offer in on another one recently that the owner's accepted.  Now, we just have to wait on the bank(s).  Which could take months.  Hopefully not too many months, as we need to plan our wedding around this house.  A house whose landscaping needs a LOT of work.

Nico is socially coming along nicely.  She's opened up much more.  We had quite a few people over a few days ago, and I think that helped her open up a little bit.  She's still very nervous, but much better than at first.  She's also doing really well with potty training.  I think we give her another week or two, and she's be 100% potty trained.  She has definitely made me feel better about my potty training skills!  (Sorry, Panda!...I just can't figure you out!)  Nico should be going in to see the vet next week, so now we should be able to see if she has any underlying medical issues.  We are pretty certain we will be adopting her once she has been vetted, but we're not allowed to sign any contracts until she has been seen and also spayed.

Tyler and I are going to California in a couple of weeks to visit his family.  I'm pretty excited.  He has to work for a few hours a couple of the days, so I have to figure out what to do with myself during that time...Hm...What to do in LA for a few hours during the day?  Any suggestions?

We're also booking our trip to NYC in January soon.  Another exciting trip that I can't wait for.  We're limiting our trip to just 4 days to deliver us from the temptation to shop our brains out.  I can't wait to see NYC in the winter, it will be such a stark contrast from when we went last time, in the excessive July heat!  I bet it's beautiful.  Except, you know, inside the subways.  Hopefully, we'll have our house by then, so we don't get tempted to stay.  I love that town.

To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.

It's been pretty hectic in our household lately, as we've acquired a second foster dog.  I brought Panda to the Dogtoberfest event, where there were a few dogs that were brought in from a Missouri puppy mill rescue.  They were all so timid and shy, but there was one in particular, who was so scared, she was pressing her whole body into the the gate so hard, she must have been trying to disappear into it.  I felt awful for her, so I picked her up and held her nearly the entire event.  It turned out that she had no foster parents.  I really had no intention of taking her, but she pulled at my heartstrings so much, I couldn't say no.  Tyler had not attended this event, as he had to work, so he had no idea what he was going to come home to.  Before he was done with work, I had to make my way into work, so I didn't have a chance to talk to him beforehand.  I was a nervous wreck waiting to hear from him.  I was really afraid he was going to be upset that I brought home another dog.

A few hours later, I got a call at work.  My adrenaline rose, and I prepared myself for the worst.  I picked up the phone, and heard him say, "She is SOOO cute!".  Whew!  Relief.  I reminded once more of why I love my fiancee so much.

What was meant to be only for a couple of days has turned into 11 days...so far.  All of which have been pretty amazing.  The new foster has opened up a bit, but she has a long way to go before she fully trusts humans.  From what I hear, Missouri puppy mills are pretty heinous in comparison to others.  This one spent the first 5 years of her life in one, so I'm sure you can imagine how hard it is for her.

She was casually named "Fidget" at the event, because she is so frightened, that she shakes a lot.  But Tyler and I have decided the name "Nico" is much better.

She is a Japanese Chin, like Panda, but about 1/3 the size of Panda.  She is insanely cute.  She doesn't even look like a real animal, she looks fake, like a stuffed animal.  I marvel at her every time I look at her! We've been seriously toying with the idea of adopting her.  I know what you're thinking, "What about Panda?"  The reality is, I love Panda.  I love Panda just as much as I love Nico.  But you just know when it's not a right fit.  Panda needs a home where she isn't left alone for more than 4 hours, otherwise she will never potty train.  Unfortunately, that is not us.  We can't keep picking up after her soiling day after day, forever.  It is getting pretty tiresome, having to mop every single day.  Nico still has her potty training issues, but she is much smaller, so what comes out of her is also smaller.  More importantly, she is actually catching on to potty training much quicker.

Also, we've socialized Panda I think to the point where she is very ready for adoption.  Nico, I have doubts she will ever socialize 100%, and if she does, I imagine it will take much longer than it did for Panda.  They both have their issues.  Issues that are very similar, but difficult in very different ways.  I feel more prepared and confident in dealing with Nico's fears than Panda's potty training, I guess.

The only thing really holding us back is that Nico hasn't been to a vet yet, so we have no idea what kind of health issues we may be dealing with.  Well, that, and there is an affenpincher with another rescue that will soon be healthy enough to be up for adoption that I am really interested in meeting.  He looks just like Winston, and too, was abandoned like Winston.  Except this one, Ernie, was thrown in a trash and left to die.  I would LOVE to have another one like Winston.  Also, I know if we decide not to adopt Nico, she will be adopted immediately.

This is sweet, little Nico:  

It's so hard to limit yourself, as there are so many heartbreaking stories out there surrounding dogs.  It really angers me that people will go to breeders or pet stores to "buy" dogs.  I really want to make a serious point here, if you are buying a dog anywhere, online, in a pet store, or from a breeder, and you can't meet the parents of the dog, it is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT certain that dog came from a puppy mill.  DO NOT TAKE THAT DOG, as you are helping a disgusting, abusive, and heinous trade continue to operate.  I don't care if the sales people assure you these animals are not from a puppy mill.  That is what they ALL say.  Again, if you can't meet the mother and father of these puppies, then they came from a puppy mill.  Stay away.  The mother and father of this adorable puppy you can't resist are living in squalor.  They live in their own filth, stuck in a small cage, typically in a stack of cages, where the animals can defecate and urinate all over one another, they never know what love or care from a human is, they spend their whole lives in these cages until they are deemed no longer profitable. At that point, they are auctioned off.  If no one bids on them, they are immediately euthanized.  You are helping this process continue if you purchase that dog.  Shame on you, if that is the route you take, really.

I just wish puppy mills could be banned nationwide, then my heart wouldn't break every time I saw a dog I wanted to help, but can't, because my resources are stretched as thin as they can get.  I wouldn't feel guilt because I can't help them all, forever.

Here's some links about puppy mills:

http://www.humanesociety.org/issues/puppy_mills/

http://www.aspca.org/fight-animal-cruelty/puppy-mills/what-is-a-puppy-mill.aspx