Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.

I had to make an incredibly difficult decision today.  That decision was to no longer foster Panda.  I finally reached my breaking point with her severe inability to potty train today.  I might have been able to hold on a bit longer, but I realized we will be showing our apartment soon and can't afford to lose a tenant because Panda just won't housebreak after many months of trying.

I am used to coming home to messes, but today was exceptionally bad.  I could smell it outside of the apartment.  It was just too much.  I really don't mind cleaning up the messes, but when there is just no progress, it makes it more difficult to know this is what I have to deal with until she gets adopted.  And, I just had to finally realize that I have other responsibilities that also need attending to.  My priority right now is getting a home and out of this apartment as soon as possible.  Unfortunately, fostering a dog that isn't housebroken whatsoever isn't really conducive to that plan any longer.

She is probably the sweetest dog I have ever had the pleasure of being around, I am very much attached to her.  However, she needs a foster home where someone is home more often to help potty train her.  I would never in a million years give up the time I have had with her.  To be honest, if I was able to be home more often, and potty train her, I probably would have wanted to adopt her long ago.  But when the home isn't right, it shows.  Someone out there will give her a great home, and she will be such an amazing companion for them.  I am really going to miss her.  I'm giving my rescue group some time to find a new foster home for her, so I don't have to say goodbye just yet, but, it's going to be quite difficult when I do.

Tyler has been such a saint throughout all of this.  He likes dogs as much as the next person, but he doesn't have quite the same passion for them as I do.  He must have reached his breaking point long ago, but stuck with it for me.  He's a good guy.

Nico won't be back to a vet again until after Thanksgiving, so we've also got some time to think about what our decision will be in terms of adopting her.  We are really waiting on more medical information before anything else.  If we decide against adopting her, we will continue to foster her until she is adopted, then perhaps foster again after we have moved.

I hate making tough decisions.  It makes me feel so guilty.  I also hate saying goodbye.  But I guess it would have happened one way or another, eventually.