Thanksgiving is a typically American holiday...The lavish meal is a symbol of the fact that abundant consumption is the result and reward of production.

I am not religious, but I still celebrate the major religious holidays.  The non religious ones, too.  I call them by their official names, but in my head, I'm really thinking of them by the type of feast we will have in celebration of them.  Which makes them way better.

Tomorrow is Easter.  But in reality, it is Ham and Deviled Eggs day and sometimes chocolate day.

Christmas is Ham and Family day.

New Year's eve/Day is Fancy Steak and Champagne day.

Thanksgiving is Turkey day (obviously).

Valentine's Day used to be chocolate day, but somehow Tyler neglects to remember I am a chocoholic almost every year so now it's Crab Leg day...Which is my second favorite food next to chocolate.

Independence Day is Grillable Day.  Also known as Burger Day, and Brat Day,

Halloween is really the only day that doesn't have a food attached to it.

I like food.  That is all.

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease.

As I continue down the road to eating healthier, I have also been using homeopathic supplements.  I've been drinking Yerba Mate, and drinking an apple cider vinegar/water mix daily.  I've been trying to add brewer's yeast into my diet, but sometimes it's hard to do that if I'm not eating a food I can mix in into without being able to taste it.  It's pretty funky.  If you haven't tried it, it's kind of nutty and cheesy at the same time, but it's a powder.  I also bought probiotics, but still haven't found a good time to start the regiment.  I was told that for the first day or so, I will feel nauseous, so I was going to start on a day where I didn't have anything to do.  Unfortunately, I haven't had even a free hour on my days off lately.  (Hence the lack of blogs.)  I've even started eating fruit.  Before this last year, the only fruits I would even consider eating were apple and bananas.  The rest tasted so awful and sour to me, I couldn't bear them.  Don't even get me started on the texture.  I have now doubled my fruits that I will eat to include grapes and pineapples.  Baby steps, okay?  I'm still weird about texture.

One of the unfortunate side effects of eating healthier, fresh foods is the change in your tastes in foods.  Mostly, that is a good thing.  It's good to enjoy healthy foods that you didn't enjoy previously.  However, I was a processed/frozen food junkie.  I have food items that remain near and dear to me.  Food items that make me happy just to think about indulging in.  Food items that Tyler would never eat.  So, on occasion, I will make plans to treat myself to some of these items while Tyler is away at practice.  Tonight was one of those nights.  I planned to have a dinner date with myself, and a Totino's Party Pizza.  I have been dreaming of this for WEEKS.  Tyler practices twice a week, but it hasn't been convenient to treat myself to a party pizza any other time because of leftovers that need to be eaten, or practice has been cancelled or rescheduled, or I work too late to pick one up, etc.  In any case, tonight was THE night.  Party Pizza time!

I cooked that shit up.  Let it cool down for a few minutes, so I didn't burn my taste buds on the party explosion they were about the receive.  Then, I ate my first bite.  Ew.  It was NASTY.  What the hell?  It's the same, cracker-like crust.  Cheese looks the same.  Sauce looks the same...  I kept eating, thinking it might get better.  It never did.  I nearly finished the whole thing, and it just tasted worse and worse.  What a bummer.  I keep discovering that my favorite foods that I rarely get to indulge in are not delicious at all like I once thought.  They're kind of disgusting.  Sigh.  I guess this is getting older.

Have regard for your name, since it will remain for you longer than a great store of gold.

I have a unique name.  I also am not internet or real life famous.  So, finding information on Google on people with my name is pretty cool.

Cases in point:
- The white pages knows my name, my address, my parent's names, my sister's name, my age, and that I am the only person in the United States currently alive with that name.  Awesome and scary at the same time!  I suppose it doesn't help that I broadcast my name on my blog, but whatever.  Facebook has eradicated the possibility of anonymity on the internet long before I gave myself away.
- Lula Mae Hixon Cross' grave.
- I found myself on a website I've never heard of that basically gives a biography of someone including their online aliases.  They capture things from your profiles (in my case, it's info from my old Myspace profile) and partial addresses you've lived at.  Man, the internet is getting to be a bit much.  I'm actually pretty appalled at how much information they're giving out.  Thankfully, this profile has only has 4 views.  I feel bad for people who would draw more interest.  At least it's an old address.
- Also strange, pictures of other people whose G+ posts I have commented on come up under my name.  As do our names together with pictures of maps?  This is really bizarre.
- Lorena Mae Hixon's biography.  Lorena and I have the SAME BIRTHDAY.  Seriously?  Same name and same birthday?!  Except, she was born in 1918.

I tried this with Tyler, but he has virtually no internet presence.  Other people with his name, however, definitely do.  As there's even a domain with his full name.  I have no idea what the website is supposed to be promoting.  I did find an old modeling picture of Tyler, though.  That was cute.

Weird shit.  Try Googling yourself.  Tell me what you find!


Also, my neighbors are very drunk and very loud right now, as are their friends.  Annoying.

The perversity of the human spirit is such that when a young lady longs for one specific partner, every other partner counts for nothing.

I dropped Tyler off at the airport this afternoon.  He's in California attending his grandfather's funeral this weekend.  I miss him.  I was feeling really queasy after dropping him off (seriously, wtf is wrong with my stomach?), so instead of running any of the errands I planned to attend to, I went home and napped with the puppies.  Which was nice, but I miss him.  I'm a total wuss, I know.  We haven't spent a night apart for almost a year, so it's a little hard to get used to.  What can I say?  I like having him around.  I'm lonely, and because I wasn't feeling well, I missed any opportunity to meet up with friends.  Oh well, at least I have the pups and the internet.  Although, I can't say I've made a whole lot of use out of my internet time.

So far, I've organized my bookmarks, created a Linkin profile, wandered around Facebook, and caught up on journals.  Speaking of journals, I used to feel really bad that I am terrible at regularly updating this one.  Then I went and checked all of the journals I follow.  Only TWO of the journals I follow have been updated since I last checked them (and some of them I haven't checked in months).  Shame on you!

Here are the two that actually updated:
http://parasitehilton.tumblr.com/ - a friend's blog/tublr
http://pawcurious.com/ - I'm a nerd for spending my free time reading a veterinarian's blog, I know.  But she's fun, and I kind of want her life, but with my people.  So, I guess you could say she's kind of my idol, in a non religious way.  Duh, she's a veterinarian who also gets paid to blog.


I want this decor.  I wish we still styled ourselves and our homes like this:



I also wish instead of a mid-century home, I was able to afford a victorian home in a decent area.   You see, I made the mistake of falling in love with a home before talking to a realtor about it when we first began house shopping.  I fell in love with a gigantic, dilapidated victorian home that was very, very cheap.  It needed a whole new kitchen, and a lot of exterior work, but I didn't care.  The possibilities that ran through my head of the final product of this home were so enticing.  However, the possibility of this particular home being turned into a town house and rented out for profit was even more enticing for other buyers with cash offers.  We weren't able to act fast enough, and you learn.  I still dream about that house.  One day...


I'm feeling so morose.

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.

I know.  It's been a while.  My sincerest apologies, readers.  I haven't had a lot of free time, and when I have, I haven't had convenient access to a computer.

I just got back from California.  I had a great time hanging out with Tyler's family.  They really are amazing.  We didn't waste a moment of time while we were there.  Aside from hanging out with family, we spent some time in LA.  I got to catch up with some old friends, and narrowly missed catching up with others.  (Time really is too short.)  Ate amazing food, hung out at the beach, went to Disneyland.  I really love it in California.  If it meshed with our future plans, we'd probably live there right now.  However, we have a house to buy, and things to do out here in Minneapolis.  Regardless of the weather, unfortunately.  If I was rich, I'd move to San Francisco (did you know the cost of living in San Francisco is similar, if not more than living in NYC?).  Otherwise, I think I'd choose San Diego, since it seems like the beachy version of Minneapolis.

There's been a hiccup in the transferring of Panda, so we are still in limbo with her.  I'm not sure if prolonging the process is making it easier or harder to let her go.  I don't want to discuss this in much detail as I'm feeling a little negatively about the subject.

Nico is about 99% potty trained now, which makes things quite a bit easier.  She is still deathly afraid of everything.  Her leash, people, the wind, the heater turning on, you name it.  She jumps at things that I am not even aware of.  But, she has opened up to me a little bit.  I've learned how to use mannerisms that make her feel less threatened, and that allow me to approach her 100% of the time.  She doesn't completely trust me, but it's obvious she wants to.  She gets really excited about my presence when we wake up, when I feed her, and after I take her outside.  Those are the times she seems most open to love and attention.  The rest of the time, she seems to want my affection, but is extremely weary.  She is severely afraid of every other person, and runs to me (well, more like behind me) to escape anyone else.  Poor Tyler.  He wants her to love him, too, but she's still frightened of him and looks to me to save her.  I have seen her leap ridiculous heights off of the bed or couch to flee him.  This one definitely isn't going to crack anytime soon.  But she's adorable, and easy to train, so her being fearful isn't going to stop us.  I must say, I've never seen fear like this before.  It is just completely crippling.  When I think about how she must feel all of the time based on her reactions, I'm amazed that she has even managed to accept me at all.  I wish it was easier for her to trust, and I hope one day, she is relieved of her anxiety and learns to be at ease.  Poor little sweetheart.

I am currently reading the second book in the Millennium series (The Girl Who Played With Fire).  Just about finished.  I haven't decided how I feel about it yet.  I don't want to mention too much, as to avoid any spoilers for any readers out there.  I would like to know,  have any of you read the series?  What are your thoughts?  Have you seen any of the movies?

Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.

I had to make an incredibly difficult decision today.  That decision was to no longer foster Panda.  I finally reached my breaking point with her severe inability to potty train today.  I might have been able to hold on a bit longer, but I realized we will be showing our apartment soon and can't afford to lose a tenant because Panda just won't housebreak after many months of trying.

I am used to coming home to messes, but today was exceptionally bad.  I could smell it outside of the apartment.  It was just too much.  I really don't mind cleaning up the messes, but when there is just no progress, it makes it more difficult to know this is what I have to deal with until she gets adopted.  And, I just had to finally realize that I have other responsibilities that also need attending to.  My priority right now is getting a home and out of this apartment as soon as possible.  Unfortunately, fostering a dog that isn't housebroken whatsoever isn't really conducive to that plan any longer.

She is probably the sweetest dog I have ever had the pleasure of being around, I am very much attached to her.  However, she needs a foster home where someone is home more often to help potty train her.  I would never in a million years give up the time I have had with her.  To be honest, if I was able to be home more often, and potty train her, I probably would have wanted to adopt her long ago.  But when the home isn't right, it shows.  Someone out there will give her a great home, and she will be such an amazing companion for them.  I am really going to miss her.  I'm giving my rescue group some time to find a new foster home for her, so I don't have to say goodbye just yet, but, it's going to be quite difficult when I do.

Tyler has been such a saint throughout all of this.  He likes dogs as much as the next person, but he doesn't have quite the same passion for them as I do.  He must have reached his breaking point long ago, but stuck with it for me.  He's a good guy.

Nico won't be back to a vet again until after Thanksgiving, so we've also got some time to think about what our decision will be in terms of adopting her.  We are really waiting on more medical information before anything else.  If we decide against adopting her, we will continue to foster her until she is adopted, then perhaps foster again after we have moved.

I hate making tough decisions.  It makes me feel so guilty.  I also hate saying goodbye.  But I guess it would have happened one way or another, eventually.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

I got Nico back from the her extended stay at the vet today.  She was supposed to be spayed, but she nearly flatlined on the table when put under anesthesia, so they had to pull her out immediately.  The vet told me they think she may have an enlarged heart/heart disease.  She said she thinks Nico's prognosis is probably not good, and she will probably end up dying in her sleep.  They couldn't test her for an enlarged heart because they don't have the equipment at that location.  I guess her heart rate is very slow, at about 70 beats/minute when at rest, when it should be around 120 beats.  I was afraid of something like this.  It's weird, because all of her blood tests came back just fine.  The diagnosis hasn't been made officially, but the vet sounded pretty sure.

I'm not really sure what the next step is.  The person in charge of our rescue group said we will try the spay again at an office that is a little bit more seasoned, but I don't know if she knew about the potential for Nico's heart disease.  So, I guess we'll see.

On top of this, I have been sick the last couple of days.  I had to really pull it together today to pick up Nico.

And what's even worse, is Tyler's grandfather is very ill.  We planned a trip out to California for one last visit to see him next week, but it doesn't sounds like he will make it that long.  Ugh.  Rough past few days.