Is this real life?

This is my any given day:

Wake up.  Tired.  Not just tired, exhausted.  I have to ask myself if I can even function.  Look at the clock.  I slept 8 hours.  Maybe even 10.  It doesn't matter, it wasn't enough.  It's never enough.

I don't have a choice, though.  So I get up, eat some breakfast.  Can't eat too much, or I'll be sick.  Can't eat too little, or I'll be sick.

Eat my cereal, and my pop tart, or pineapple.  Gotta take my Sudafed and allergy meds, or I'll get hives.

Hips and lower back hurt.  Stretch.  If I didn't drink enough water throughout the night, I get a charlie horse in my calves or toes.

Stuffy nose, painful sinuses, itchy eyes, ugh.  It will get better after a long, hot shower.

Ugh, my skin ACHES.  I feel like I have a fever, but I never do.

Shower, meds kick in, feel a little better.

Get to wherever I am going.  Do whatever it is I am doing.

Tired.

2 hours later, hunger strikes quick, and so strong, I feel sick.  Have to eat right then and there, or face major anxiety and then, panic attacks.

Continue day.  Tired.

2 hours later, starving.  Feel sick, eat.  Good for at least 4 hours.

Irrational irritability all throughout day.   Still tired.

At some point on top of the other times listed, intense nausea.  Anxiety as a result.  Alka Seltzer.  Sometimes helps, sometimes doesn't.    Depending on severity, add anti-anxiety meds.  Usually better.

At some other point, tell someone I feel sick.  Mostly get a shrug, because, well, I always feel sick.  Cancel plans because I feel sick?  Wow, that's surprising.  Everyone around me has GOT to be tired of it.  It sucks feeling like people take the fact that you feel like hell for granted, just because it happens to you all the time.  Not that people do, but it starts to feel that way.  I think it's natural for people to feel less sympathetic when it happens so regularly, though.  I get it, but it's hard when it's happening to you.  You start to feel like a complainer, or whiner, because that's what you think people think of you.  So you convince yourself that you need to just deal with it, and toughen up, because you don't want to feel the internal shrugging you get from everyone when you allude to feeling like shit...again.   So, you just try to ignore it.

Go home.  Exhausted.  Anxious.  Lay down.  Can't sleep.

To sleep, must lay in bed for at least one hour, take melatonin, watch tv for a while, fall asleep.  If any of this doesn't happen, overthink, anxiety, and over analyzing occurs, along with restless legs and painful lower back.

Do it all again the next day.

This is an average day.    I have some very rare better days, but many more worse days.  There's a lot of factors, but if I have a relatively stress free day and I don't forget to take my allergy meds, this is how it goes.  If I have an incredibly stress filled day, I can usually ignore physical discomfort or illness enough to just get through the day without paying much attention until I get home.  Usually, the following day is where I pay for it.

My allergies were typically seasonal.  Over the past year, they've been significantly worse.  I figured we had such a mild winter last year, there must still be allergens or pollutants that never really cleared.  Time went on, and things got worse and worse.  Okay, I figured, maybe I'm developing new allergies on top of the old ones.  Maybe I'm becoming allergic to dogs, god forbid!  So, I decide to see an allergy doctor.  She diagnoses me with some sort of skin disorder, and tells me we will have to do all allergen testing with blood work as a result.  She also tells me the regular hives can be a symptom of thyroid problems.  So, she asks me some questions.  Do I have stomach issues/nausea?  Check.  Do I often get heartburn?  Check.  Do I have insomnia?  Check.    Mood instability?  Check.  Anxiety?  Check.  So on, and so forth.  She tells me that most often, they cannot find a cause for regular facial hives, but when they do, it's typically a thyroid problem that proves to be the cause.  So, we do all of the blood work.

I start researching thyroid problems when I get home, despite being exhausted.  Check the symptom lists.  Check.  Check.  Check.  Oh my god, this explains every single health issue I've had, EVER.  (aside from colds, flus, and the like, and scoliosis).  Shingles?  Explained.  Daily hives.  Explained.  Increased anxiety?  Tightening throat?  Check.  Check.  Insomnia?  Check.

Holy shit, this has GOT to be it.  I am so excited.  I know it sounds strange that one would be excited to find out they have an autoimmune problem, but it explained EVERYTHING.   Oh my god.  This could all go away.  One day, I could feel healthy.  I could wake up feeling refreshed.  I could know what a day feels like where I don't feel sick in at least one way or another.

A week and a half later, I get the results.

Every single test comes back normal.

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WHAT?!

I'm not even allergic to ragweed?  WTF?  Okay, I knew if I found out my thyroid was normal, I would be let down.  But I never, NEVER expected to not find a single allergen.  WTF is all of this sinus shit? Why do I feel like hell?  Am I actually getting this many colds?  Is this anxiety forever?  The insomnia?  The fatigue?  The hives?  Why am I taking allergy meds?  I can take a lot of this sickness, and I have been, for years.  Some of these things, my whole life, but it's getting worse, and it's getting intolerable.  I saw an end to the madness, and now it has been taken away.   So, I'm asking, is it seriously possible I have to feel like this forever?  There has GOT to be an answer.

The worse part of all of this, is, I'm generally a positive person.  I smile a lot, I try to see past the negative things.  I always try to find a silver lining when things are really bad.  I am not a negative person, but I feel like I'm turning in to one.  I can't feel like hell all of the time, and keep it up, I just can't.  I'm losing my positivity, and I'm just coasting, and a lot of times, I'm just faking it.  I'm not a very good liar, though, so everyone can tell when I'm forcing a positive reaction, so I don't know why I bother, but I guess I'm just not ready to give up the idea that things can be better.

I am sincerely hoping that this doctor will just tell me that there's still things to check out, tests to be done, and my feeling today is just a huge overreaction, but I guess we will see.